hope

Blue Monday

Blue Monday

I heard on the radio the other day that the third Monday of January is called Blue Monday. Apparently, many people are struggling with being done with a fun time of year at Christmas while still having the bills, the failed New Year’s resolutions and the cold weather. Whether you call it seasonal affective disorder or just the winter blues, many people really struggle with discouragement, lack of motivation, depression and hopelessness during this time of year.

I wonder how much of that is our sense of failure, as we realize we spent too much money at Christmas, ate more than we wanted to, or didn’t keep any of the resolutions we had set up for ourselves at the beginning of the year. So often we define our mood by our sense of accomplishment, and a bad mood starts with feeling like we have only failed at everything.

Last week I felt myself going into the funk of discouragement. I was tired and worn out with dealing with a lot of physical and emotional issues in my family over the last month. I cried out for something to give, for the “normal” to return and with it, peace. I forgot something, though, as I tend to do.

Unwrapped Gifts

Unwrapped Gifts

My friend Amy said something profound recently—well, she says lots of profound things, but this one particularly struck me. She was talking about seeing the small joys even when they weren’t exactly what you wanted, and she called it receiving the unwrapped gifts. This phrase made me think of how often I only want to be grateful for the gifts that are presented in the way I wanted them, enclosed in a pretty paper and topped off with a bow. The ones that present as less desirable, or not quite what I requested seem more difficult.

I thought of the days that were supposed to be incredibly special or beautiful like holidays or celebrations, and how they often seem hollow compared to the expectation I had set for them. Then other days surprise me with the lovely family time or special gifts that they bring when I didn’t expect them. Will I receive these gifts even though they don’t come wrapped up and in the time I wished for, or will I stand like an ungrateful child, despising them because they didn’t come the way I wanted?

God also reminded me of so many stories throughout the Bible when He does things in ways that no one expected or planned. I call them upside-down-and-backwards-gifts. Couples who wanted children in their youth when they were “supposed” to come, and instead received a very important child when it should have been impossible physically for them to reproduce. Victories in battle through the weakest and most fearful rather than the bravest and strongest. Battle plans that involved walking around a city for the walls to fall, rather than attacking with fierce fighting. A baby that was born to be king, but not in the way that many expected in taking Israel back from the Romans. Instead, He would defeat the very powers of darkness and evil that wrecked our world to begin with, and His battle was much bigger and longer-lasting than many had anticipated.

Receiving With Expectation

Receiving With Expectation

I’ve been particularly struck this year by Mary’s response to the angel when he announces that she will give birth to the Savior. Depending on the translation you use, she says “I am the Lord’s servant. May your word to me be fulfilled.” “Behold, the Lord’s bond-servant; may it be done to me according to your word.” “As his servant, I accept whatever he has for me. May everything you have told me come to pass.”

This sounds lovely, and I wish that would be my response in the same situation. But in reality, when you think through what this angel had just told her, I wonder if this was much more of a receiving than we imagine. This was receiving a lifetime of rejection, outcast status by so many who surrounded her in her little town. Although Joseph believed her and took her to be his wife anyway, I bet there were a lot of gossipers who did not believe her or understand at all what was going on. They made assumptions and wagged their tongues about what had happened to Mary.

After giving birth to Jesus, Mary and Joseph had to flee to Egypt to get away from Herod’s proclamation to kill all the 2-year-olds to try to kill Jesus in the process. I’m sure when they returned to Nazareth, there was great bitterness from all the other families who had lost their sons who would be the same age as Jesus at that time. Again, rejection and outcast status prevailed.

Present Hope

Present Hope

So often we live with hope for the future or the events we hope will be in the future. We look forward to the time when the problem is solved, the pain is healed, the crisis is averted. I’m not going to argue that, but I wonder if sometimes we miss the fact that hope is current, not just future. It’s not possible only when something else happens, but can be found in the very person of Jesus present right now with you.

Many speak of resurrection in the future for us, and I am excited about it too. But we might miss the resurrection that is available today in our lives right now because we are so focused on the future one. Some people call this a suicidal rapturist approach—so focused on getting to heaven that they are just waiting until their days here on earth are finished in order to get to the place they want to be. Yet, we miss that God is WITH us now. It’s a present reality!

I was reading John 11 when Jesus heals Lazarus, and I found it interesting that when Jesus was talking to Martha, he reminded her that He was the resurrection and the Life. She was talking about a future resurrection, but He was talking about a present one. When we recognize the Life we already have, we can approach anything with hope because we don’t need to wait for something to happen to bring it. We already have hope in the Life of Christ within.

I Will Trust You

I Will Trust You

I will trust You when the future looks uncertain.
I will trust You when logic tells me I shouldn’t.
I will trust You even if I don’t get what I want.

I will trust You to give me what brings me close to You.
I will trust You to lead me to places I never dreamed.
I will trust You to provide enough, even if it’s not in the way I thought best.

I will trust You when I am surrounded by darkness.
I will trust You when the worries want to choke me.
I will trust You even when I can’t see a clear path ahead.

Choosing Your Choices

Choosing Your Choices

So, someone around here (that would be me) thought it would be a fun idea to get a puppy after our sweet old dog died this year. And don’t get me wrong, he is a cute little bugger. Right now, though, after several nights of sleep deprivation trying to get him housetrained, I am questioning most of my decision. I’m reminded again, though, of the importance of choosing our choices. What? Here’s what I mean.

Throughout life there are choices we have made, and many more that are made for us without our blessing or input. We often want to get angry, sad or depressed about whatever choice has been made for us, and sometimes we do it about our own decisions as well. I have been stopped in my tracks though when God asks me if I will choose to follow Him in whatever it is, even if I don’t like it. I would much rather throw a fit about it, and sulk in my disappointment. But if I choose my choices, I can change my attitude, and take advantage of the power Jesus’ indwelling Life brings to whatever situation it is.

You see, nothing is too big or too much for Him. Not a rejection or betrayal, not a tough marriage or a difficult child, not an unwanted move to a place we don’t want to go or a mess of a world that presents itself every morning upon our arising. If I invite Him into my mess, I am able to choose my choices and let Him be enough for each need throughout it. I want to be led by my Shepherd, following His gentle voice as it leads me through things I don’t think I can make it through. Even when the world looks dark and everywhere we look is something terrible, we can still have hope that He will be enough. So, we focus on showing up for our lives in whatever small way we can, inviting Him into each moment.

Battle Weary

Battle Weary

I feel battle-weary this week. It seems that no matter which way you turn, you get knocked down by another crisis. It is often in these times that we lose hope. We feel as if the situation will never resolve. Fear grips our world as we struggle through so many arguments, misunderstandings, outright attacks—the future seems grim and without hope.

This must have been true of every significant event in history. The point at which people wonder if it will ever be over, if our story will ever change. The people surviving the World War 1 and 2 with the Great Depression in the middle, aching to see the world free of conflict and just trying to feed families and keep people alive. The confusion of the Crusades in which people who claimed to be Christian pursued the demented idea that murdering people was the way to their salvation, while those who believed that Jesus loved and did not attack had to stand faithful to their people amidst the conflict. The persecution of Christians by Romans and the persecution of Christians today in China, India, so many other countries. And the division, death and suffering caused by evil in the world continues today. I can imagine that people in each of these dark places wondered if it would ever end, if God would ever rescue humanity out of such a mess that they had created.

He always does. He always sends help. Even if it’s not in the way or time we would choose, He moves in the suffering places to bring people freedom. You see, I think we often believe that death and suffering is the worst it can get, but separation from Him is actually worse. No, I don’t want anyone to be hurt, and neither does God. But can we push into the pain, realizing that there is a bigger picture to this—that sometimes pain is something that pushes us to compassion, to reaching out to others, to making a way ahead that otherwise would not be.

Beauty From Ashes

Beauty From Ashes

Walking through the burn scar of a recent forest fire in the mountains of Colorado is an eerie thing. It sort of feels like a ghost town, abandoned and barren. Charred remnants of trees lay blackened and oddly shaped all around. I felt overwhelmed by sadness to see all the once proud trees cut down to just burnt sticks. And then, as He always does, God lifted my hanging head to show me the beauty. Beauty from ashes.

I suddenly saw the fantastic beauty of the flowers, especially the one called fireweed which grows abundantly after a fire. Apparently the fireweed is the first plant to grow after a forest fire burns through. The grass that was popping up through the ash was bright green, and gave a colorful contrast and spoke of hope for a new future. None of the beauty minimized the pain of the fire, but it seemed to give it new meaning—calling it forward to new growth.

I talk to so many people who have had a forest fire in their lives, and some have had a few. They feel like their whole worlds lay blackened and reduced to ash. Sometimes they lit the match that started the fire, and other times it was someone else. Regardless of who started the blaze, they now stand in the middle of what seems like a hopeless burn scar.

The Distraction of What We Don't Have

The Distraction of What We Don't Have

A mentor of mine was talking to me recently about how often we obsess on what we don’t have, allowing ourselves to get distracted and discouraged. We are limited enormously when we are frozen in the comparison, obsession and looking off at what we think will complete us or make us happy.

Maybe it’s a relationship. Or a skill. Or financial security (perceived or temporary as it might be). Or a thousand other things we look at and desire, thinking that if we could just have the thing, we would be content and satisfied.

But that’s the rub. We might get whatever it is we desire, and it just pushes us to another thing. That’s the nature of this life—constant distraction and pushing towards something else we think we need and don’t have. It won’t satisfy. It won’t fulfill.

So, what’s the alternative? Looking at what we have.

Light in the Darkness

Light in the Darkness

Sometimes after Christmas, the whole world seems to let out a deep sigh of resignation to the coming winter and the passing of the holiday season. It can be a dreary time for many, especially this year as so many issues continue to drag on around the world. This year for many has been a long, dreary one to begin with, and yet the change to the new year will not necessarily instantly change all of that. We may be excited to see this year pass on, but the change of circumstance may still be some time off.

I cracked a bit of a smile last month when God reminded me of how His word for me this year was “Follow.” I realized that the reason for this was because most of the year I had no idea what was coming next or what I should do, so I simply had to follow as He led. He kept bringing Isaiah 30:21 to me, where He says a voice behind us will call out right or left as we walk. And I kept thinking that I’d love a little more of a heads-up when it comes to directions than just a quick word right as I should be making a turn! But that’s walking moment-by-moment with Him, and there is a sweetness to recognizing His love in directing our steps.

This coming year I have received the phrase “Light in Darkness” and am eager to see how God will bring that about. There is something so significant about light to God. The first words He spoke in creating the world were “Let there be Light!” And He calls Jesus the Light of the world, and also us as believers. Darkness cannot remain when a light enters a room. It must flee. I wonder how often I have tried to drive out darkness in so many different ways, when all I needed to do was bring the Light. And we always have Light—for He dwells within us, shining through all our cracks to bring Light to darkness.

The Good News

The Good News

Perhaps one of the most frustrating parts of the Gospel or good news of Jesus is that God didn’t choose to rescue us by ridding the world of evil, but rather ridding us of evil. We would like the suffering, the struggle, the darkness to go away and leave us in peace. Peace is defined by the absence of chaos, rather than trying to define peace in the middle of the mess. We also decide that God is acting only when the situation turns out as we wanted it to, with the least discomfort.

The truth, though, is that God ached for relationship with us, relationship that we had rejected in Adam and Eve way back in the garden. We want to blame Eve quite often, and think we would have made a different decision. But at the heart of every person is the desire to be their own god, controlling their own destiny and being powerful in their own right. They rejected relationship with God. I want to think that I would have chosen walking with God in the garden over the fruit that would make me like God, but in reality, God knew I wouldn’t have. None of us would have.

So, He sent a part of Himself in Jesus to make a way, and to make a different decision. He chose to humble Himself. He was God, but chose to empty Himself of that power, and become a human—the opposite direction of the humans trying to be god unto themselves. Everything that Jesus did on earth was because of His connection to the Father and the Spirit—the union of the Godhead was perfectly demonstrating the union He wants with us. He wants to participate in each part of our lives, empowering us through dependence and connection to Him, rather than us empowering ourselves through intelligence or independence. It feels all backwards for the American culture of pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. But it’s a relationship that God desires—not a dictatorship or slavery.

Give Thanks...Even Now

Give Thanks...Even Now

What a year this has been! For me, 2020 has been raw, stretching and also incredibly sweet. Many people want to count this year as a loss, resigning themselves to all the bad that has happened without seeing any of the good. I’m not minimizing the pain—I haven’t seen my mom and dad in eleven months, and miss them terribly. We get to figure out remote schooling with my kids, and have felt the loss of time with friends and family this year. I have walked with many people this year who have suffered more greatly than us. They are stuck in an assisted care facility with no outside contact allowed, have lost loved ones to COVID, or have been laid off from their job.

But the call of my heart today as I write this is to come back to giving thanks, and recognizing the incredible goodness of God in the middle of difficult times. I find that throughout history there have been many examples of people who have kept looking for God’s hand through the pain, and have seen His faithfulness even in extreme suffering. There is something about refocusing on these things that helps lift us up out of the pit of despair, allowing us to see forward, over and past whatever circumstance looms large at the moment.

Hopelessness to Hope

Hopelessness to Hope

Do you ever have those days when you wake up and feel that it’s all hopeless? You lie awake at night considering all you have going on in your life, and imagine that nothing will ever change and your life will always be this way? Maybe you have tried to break free and to change things, but these attempts have fallen to the ground with no sign of completing their task.

Your heart cries out and aches for relief as you go about your day with a dreary cloud of despair tormenting your every move. The problems seem insurmountable, and you wonder how you will continue to walk forward. Everything ahead of you feels uncertain, or, even worse—the same as it is now.

I was reading the story of Hezekiah in Isaiah, where the powerful king has sent messengers to taunt his people and foretell their defeat by his army. The Assyrian army had destroyed many people and nations at this point, and were greatly feared. Hezekiah takes the message to God, crying out for help. I would imagine that it looked pretty hopeless to him as well. But he poured it all out before God anyway. God’s response through Isaiah was basically--don’t worry, I’m taking care of it.

In What Are You Trusting?

In What Are You Trusting?

I am discovering there is nothing like the year 2020 for helping us sift through and recognize what it is we use as our foundation and safety point. For many, it’s being able to get up each day and not have to think too much about going out, or our health. The COVID crisis this year has changed that significantly, and we no longer have the freedom to go about life as we did before. Those who struggle with chronic illness have walked through shifting trust away from health already, and in some ways are prepared better for the current COVID-world than those who have not had their physical limitations as pronounced.

Some trust financial stability, and the means to provide for their family or to maintain their standard of living. This year has taken its tolls on this safety net as well for many, with job losses, economic nosedives and general unease about what the future holds. Some put their trust in the control they have over the future, or at least the control they think they have. We go about our days assuming we know the future, and 2020 has basically blown that out of the water. I think my most common answer for my kids’ questions this year has been “I don’t know” as I don’t know what will happen with school, when we will get to see their grandparents in Texas, or even what next week will hold!

What we are really confronted with during this year particularly is how little control we have. We maintain an illusion of being in control of our lives, but we don’t realize how much this is a falsehood.

Celebrating in the Brokenness

Celebrating in the Brokenness

I really hate cliff-hanger endings. I know some people consider it an art form, but I just get frustrated and want everything wrapped up and sorted out. I wrote a post a couple of years ago on the hardship of being in the middle of a story with no idea what the end will be. We like to listen to those who have completed that part of their journey—the cancer is gone, the marriage is restored, the kid has returned to the family. But right now, there is so much that cannot be tied up and completed. I feel that my most common answer to questions is “I don’t know.”

I battle with the part of me that wants to make plans, schedule things, get excited about whatever is coming next. And God keeps calling me back to moment-by-moment of walking with Him, and entrusting the ending and the future to Him. And frankly, I don’t like it.

The revelation I’ve been having, though, is how there is such a sweetness to that simplicity and smallness of the moments lived hand-in-hand with Jesus. I am weary, and it’s because I keep trying to run ahead and sort it all out for God. In taking a pause, I am reminded that it isn’t my responsibility to do God’s job—I get to follow.

What To Do When You Aren't Radiating With Hope

What To Do When You Aren't Radiating With Hope

I always want to be real with you guys, not pretending to have it all together or to never struggle. I want you to know that Jesus is the same for me as He is for you—and He is enough for all the messes in life as well as the days that seems to stretch on forever. And I hit a wall this week.

I was exhausted, felt sick (not coronavirus symptoms) and had to cancel some remote appointments. In short, I was not radiating with hope like Romans 15:13 talks about.

Have you ever been there?

I knew when I woke up the morning after that I needed to regain my focus in order to operate out of the fullness of uncontainable joy and perfect peace, because I definitely was not. I usually get to the end of my rope when I don’t even realize I have changed my source and have decided that all the pressure to perform, do and produce has landed squarely on my own shoulders again.

No More Guilt

No More Guilt

Unfortunately in a lot of Christian communities, the emphasis is on guilt. We are told that we are supposed to feel really guilty all the time in order to get our act cleaned up, and to keep wallowing in the guilt so we don’t fall back into bad behaviors.

My friend and teacher Mike Wells used to differentiate between false guilt and true guilt, and I think it’s a concept that many have not considered because they almost equate God and guilt together. True guilt is the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit that what you are doing or have done doesn’t suit you as a new creation in Christ—this is the guilt that leads to repentance. We admit the problem, turn away and move forward in Him. Any guilt that comes after that initial repentance is false guilt.

God's Enoughness

God's Enoughness

What do you need for today? Do you feel like you’ve been waiting so long for something that has yet to come? Do you feel a growing discouragement that it won’t ever come? Do you look at your day and feel it has already become too big for you to handle?

There are many things I have asked God for that He hasn’t brought yet. And there are things He has promised me that He hasn’t yet fulfilled. I was reading Genesis 17, which begins by telling us that Abram is now 99 years old. This man has been waiting on God’s promise of a son who will become a great nation for many, many years. I bet he’s been tempted to quit believing God’s promise many times. 

Walking in the Impossible

Walking in the Impossible

When I wake up to the limitations of the same old day with the same problems as yesterday, Your joy is my encouragement and inspiration.

When I look ahead to the overwhelming work needing to be done, You remind me it isn’t all up to me—that I can entrust my life and all it contains to You.

When I seem to be running from the demons of my past as they frighten me and threaten to keep me locked up in prison forever, You free me and show me how to fly.