I have been reading a book recently that has made me think deeply about my greatest fears. (It’s Living Fearless by Jamie Winship in case you want to read it. I highly recommend!) Most of the time in the past, I try to push fear away, just telling myself to deny it and move on anyway. I think it’s sort of like when you are a child and you hide under the covers from the monsters in your closet—we believe that will keep us safe from the things we fear. Denial becomes the bed covers, and we keep hiding under it hoping that the fear will go away.
Instead of this, though, Jamie recommends confessing fear to Jesus and letting Him free us from it. I have to be honest, when I first read this, I still really struggled with the idea. I don’t want to talk about my fears. But then I also realized that God already knows my fears, so it’s no surprise or disappointment to Him. I haven’t achieved anything in terms of being free of fear by ignoring or denying them. Instead, I spend a lot of time trying to stomp them down again, hoping they will go away if I just muscle them into submission.
So, I was walking and thinking about this, and I finally took the mental barrier down to really bring my fears out and discuss them with Jesus. And in the spirit of vulnerability opening up vulnerability in others, I’m sharing them with you too.
I’m afraid of being rejected by every person who matters most in my life and being alone. I’m afraid of disappointing God and not helping anyone, but rather making people’s lives worse. I’m afraid of hurting my kids and my husband, watching them in pain because of something that is my fault. I’m afraid of going into financial ruin because of my stupidity or bad decisions. I’m afraid of cancer and life-threatening illnesses. I’m afraid of dying and leaving my family when I want to be a part of them. I’m afraid of my husband leaving me or dying. I’m afraid of people who want to hurt me. I’m afraid of living without purpose. I’m afraid of messing it all up. I’m afraid of war. I’m afraid of those I love dying. I’m afraid of famine. I’m afraid of not having enough. I’m afraid of forgetting too much and not being able to trust my brain. I’m afraid of a lot of things.
As I confess those fears to Jesus (and now to you as well), I thought I would feel overwhelmed and even more afraid. But in actuality, Jesus spoke to me that He would give me freedom from fear so I don’t have to be afraid of them anymore. My response was something along the lines of, “Great. Does that mean I’m going to have to suffer through every one of them?” Sometimes I really don’t have a very good view of God.
His response was that some I may have to walk through, but just like the valley of the shadow of death, He will be with me. If He’s with me and will talk to me and love me in any scary situation, that means I can walk free. There is nothing that’s too big or scary for my Dad, and He is with me all the time. Whatever He brings in to my life is not to hurt me or make me suffer, but to free me and to bring me into deeper relationship with Him. Because that’s what the whole purpose of this life is, I think. Knowing Jesus.
It doesn’t mean that I’m supposed to be happy about experiencing the things I’m fearing, or that I’m wrong for having emotion about it. But instead of deciding that these things will be the end of us, we walk step by step with Jesus, asking Him to carry us through. This recognition of fear allows us to ask for God’s perspective instead of just putting our own on the possibility of bad stuff in the future. When we recognize that He has authority over fear—that He’s bigger and stronger and we don’t have to be afraid—we can have true freedom no matter what the situation.
It's sort of like turning the light on when you are scared of monsters in the dark in your room. Suddenly things aren’t so scary when seen in the light. Let’s look at our fears in the Light—the One who brings freedom, peace and even joy even in the middle of circumstances that hurt and scare us. In this way, we are freed from our fear, for they can’t control us when we see them not as unbearable, but as empowered by the life of Christ living within and through us.
Do not yield to fear, for I am always near. Never turn your gaze from me, for I am your faithful God. I will infuse you with my strength and help you in every situation. I will hold you firmly with my victorious right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10